But unfortunately, loving someone does not guarantee a relationship of even exchange. “Love,” instead, puts an expectation on the parties involved and how you meet, exceed, or fall below that expectation, usually determines the longevity (or lack thereof) of that relationship.

Now that I have your attention, ladies, I must proclaim that we have to do better! Women are known for loving and loving hard, but we fail at the part of love, which gives an initial and overall expectation of MORE from a man. It seems we have simply thrown up our hands and, in an act of hopelessness, have allowed ourselves to settle for far too less. In a state of desperation and for fear of sleeping alone, we even reach behind the iron gates and brick walls of the penitentiary for an “available” bachelor, who has no intention of being faithful when he’s finally released.

We continue to chase after that storybook romance with all the sweet things a girl could dream of and, have succumbed to the misconception that we have the almighty power to turn that yucky frog into a handsome prince-charming, with one simple kiss. Even if you equate that kiss to a Men’s Warehouse suit, Ralph Lauren Polo cologne, the screaming matches, along with the tears, you still have a better chance at being the first woman to play in the NFL.

By now, we should understand you cannot change a man. If that man wants to change, because you’re such an awesome woman, then he will. But, don’t date a selfish man and expect him to be generous once you have professed your undying love, by showering him with clothes, shoes, your car keys, and a rent-free place to lay his head after he stumbles into your house at three in the morning.

 Allow me for a moment to be more literal: you meet a man who tells you he does not have job (right now), because he plans to start his own business or he’s looking for work, but has yet to find any. He also explains that he currently does not have a place of his own and he still lives with his “babymama,” but swears they are no longer together. At that moment, you have a decision to make: you can either nod your head in empathy and compassion, and take that man under your wing or, you can smoothly but briskly, walk away.

Too many women are choosing to take a man under their wing in anticipation of turning him into Mr. Incredible. Some women make this hasty decision because they are tired of rolling over into that cold, empty side of the bed at night, while others are nervously biting their nails as the sand in the hourglass of life seems to be running out.

Whatever the reason, let us be clear, it is not worth continuing to sell yourself short by repeatedly putting your heart on the line. It is quite alright to expect more from the very start. We invest so much time and love into a man who has no intention of giving that same love in return. I guess what I’m trying to make you understand, ladies, is that love should be reciprocated. It starts with what you accept from a man at the initial introduction. If you accept that redundant storyline, expect the same song and dance throughout the relationship.

And I’m not talking at you, ladies. I’m trying to save you all from potential heartache and pain, caused by a hasty decision, driven by emotion. Shucks, I love TGIFriday’s too, but we don’t have to be there every Friday night, crying and drinking cosmos, giving the “Girl, you can do better” pat on a sister’s back, instead of being honest with each other and saying, “This is what you signed up for…

There are some good men out there who will tell you the exact same thing. You do not have to settle. There is love out there that will not cost you rent money or your car keys. Your love as well as your time is far too precious to give and not get in return. Ladies, it’s time to get even!

Ebony Wilmore, a Delaware native, is a notable spoken word artist and poet. She is the self-published author of Spoken Word for the Broken Rose, a book of poetry.